Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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