i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
