i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize