What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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