he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
