a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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