you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Someone signed my nipple.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
