My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she peed on how many people?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
