zippers are such a cool invention
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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