I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
