im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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