Umm I'm too high to move.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
