Can i not drive my cunt home
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
