I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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