Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so let's talk penis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
