so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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