you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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