:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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