i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
