apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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