once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
