Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
