There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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