His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then my night got REAL pukey
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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