Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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