So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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