tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
where are you?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess