i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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