I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
