What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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