now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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