He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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