cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
my liver is dry heaving
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
