FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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