who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
