i already hear my dad disowning me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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