i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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