literally had 100 drinks last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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