Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How does it feel to date your dad?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
