shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
