hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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