It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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