I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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