Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
