I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
