Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two words: blizzard sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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