Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
whose parrot is this?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
