its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
