so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
