This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
