Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
