I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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