I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
