wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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