oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
