found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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