yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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