i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
