i permit you to call me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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