sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
