new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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