there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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