Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
