i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
